tita
where are ure hands now
i can not find my own
i have tried
not to cry
but i can't crochet like u
knit one
purl two
the cold still rushes thru
the blanket is twelve years long
& strong enuff
to weather his wrongs
i need ure strength
i am
weeping into the batter
catering my sorrow
to a party of
one
the sun
seems so distant
a pigment in the sky
w/ no warmth to console me
there's no controlling
this
charcoal soot
swelling w/ in me
black rings
float
out of my mouth
@ the mention of his name
ashamed of me
how could he be
cruel to be kind
his mind scalds me
w/ his hatred
wretched claims
of deep emotions
aimed
to maim me
save me
a ball of yarn to spin a web
that will catch my grief
before it falls
@ his feet
i am steeped
in
the salt of my tears
seasoned in jeers
stewed in searing oil
& foiled attempts
to annoint myself
w/ honey & mirth
i serve
a succulent sadness
even i can't endure
i implore u
to guide my fingers
they linger
in my pockets
counting themselves over again
one
thru
ten
my needlework
hasn't worked
to cure me of this chill
his ill will has brought me
i need ure recipe
for weepy sentimentality
i will follow to the letter
in the hopes to unfetter
this woe
i will sew
& i will stitch
until my fingers bleed him
into my intricately
embroidered
facade

what else can I do
but stare at u
til my eyes ache
& my heart weeps
for everything u
just
won't
say
spread eagle
in the brush
whispering
to
the stars
never
have I met
a creature
so unattainable
to himself
solitude is where u hide
peeking out
from behind the blinds
coaxing u out
w/ honeyed lips
& sweet fingers
luring u in
w/ candied songs
& sugared dreams
i stand naked before u
does my lite
distress u
impress u
molest u
i attest to
wanting to
make it all better for u
but u just
won't let me in
u shield ureself
from my sun
but
how long will u
remain
detained
refrained from sharing
who u really are
a star is no place
for whispers to go
they already know
ure darkness has grown
blossomed into
a garden of grief
watered w/ fear
near misses
empty kisses
groping around
the shadows
for comfort
stumbling over ureslf
scraping ure knees
ignoring the pleas
of the voice inside
who
just
wants
to speak
before the vines
choke them
silent

u don't
really
have to love me
to put kisses on my eyes
i wouldn't hold u
any less
dear
ure candied lips
will still taste
as sweet to me
in my dreams
humor this childish heart
that bleeds for u
soaking the sheets
with hushed tones
that quiver thru the fibers
of my lily covered
spread
timeless nites
i have lied
smothered
filling this space
wearing this place
w/ whimpers
complaints
soft cries
& lullabyes
that are never meant to reach u
it's hopeless
really
this infatuation
& the correlations
i try to make
from heart to pen
i am
incapacitated
emaciated
deteriorated
by the awareness
u will
never
feel
the same
again
but
to know u
is to love u
is to have u
is to hold u
is to lust
is to wait
is to haunt
is to taunt
my heart w/
my own ill thoughts of all the different ways i
desire u
admire u
aspire to
shape shift
force shit
out of ure mouth
which may
or may not
be truth
oh
sweetest lies
i sympathize w/ others
like me
altering sanity
denying reality
seeking
just
one
word
to get thru the nite
b4 morning comes
to blister all hopes
of being more
than just
a
foolish
daydreamer